I am 15 years old. Not that it matters, I just felt like throwing it out there. I turned that age on the 11th of October 2014. I say that it doesn't matter, but why would I be typing it if it did not? Over the past months I have been particularly... nostalgic, though not in a common way. I've been reflecting on things that have happened, and for the first time, have come to the terms with the fact that, yes, they did happen, but no, it doesn't matter. I lived in pure denial for over a year over events that happened, constantly flipping between ideas and trying desperately to find a solution, when instead, I should have just moved on.
It's been an eventful year, to say the least, but I think that it's a fact that should be learnt by all. Time. As time trundles forward, so does the rest of the world, and it won't wait. But it fixes things, numbing all pain and gradually soothing any person who has the privilege of experiencing this.
I never really know the point of me writing these journals, often it's because I've found some inspiration or have been thinking profoundly and feel the need to express my views on a place where they won't be forgotten. But I guess this one was just to say- Keep going. Okay? Don't you ever wave that little white flag, because that cloth is nothing compared to the phenomenal things that you can do if you put your mind to it. It sounds cliché. It is cliché. But that doesn't make it any less true.
I'm making far too many points here, but it's your decision whether you want to read this entire trail of thoughts, so I'm beyond minding. As I've stated, so much has changed over the past year. I've lived in 3 different houses, moved schools, had parents leave to other countries, played with my niece, started my GCSE's. I've learnt so much, and it's absolutely incredible to think about how much I personally have changed. I don't usually like using the word 'I', it makes me feel self indulgent and rude, hence my use of passive tense quite frequently merely to refrain from using the word. But I guess everybody has to start thinking about themselves at one point or another, because at the end of it all, it's just you. Yes, people will influence you, and you will meet people who will stay with you for the entirety of your lives perhaps, but that doesn't change the fact that, first and foremost, you must consider yourself. Anyway, I guess from the transition from 2013-2015, I feel that I'm not a child living on the back of her parents, waiting to be told what to do. I'm more of a person myself, I can support myself and it's like looking at two different people. And, in a few years time, I'll probably say the same thing again. But I'm okay with that, because with the change that time brings, comes new people, happiness, sadness, opportunity, heartbreak, everything that makes life so beautifully diverse and unique. Life is not a linear progression of events, it's not a time line that everybody seems to think it is (it's more like a big ball of wibbley wobbley timey wimey stuff...) and so there's not a right or a wrong way to do things. The concept itself is fairly difficult to understand. Easy to get it, but to wrap your head around it is difficult, since we have these ideals drilled into our heads so much that it seems like there are certain pathways to choose and others to not. When really, there aren't pathways, we're just bags of flesh walking on a planet hurtling through space. So why worry!?
Ah, I'm being poetic, I can't say I mean to be, can't say I ever even liked poetry all that much. I don't know, these journals act as a way of giving my opinion without offending anybody, or at least that's what I hope. Sometimes it's good just to spew all trails of thought onto a page, be it paper or digital, and just watch where the amazing neurons of our brains take us.
(Also I leant somebody my charger and my phone is dead. That was a really bad idea, cause now I'm worrying that people are calling and blegh. I have all these weird profound thoughts but really I just want my phone to work. And see the aurora Borealis. Yeah, I once sent in a deviantart secret saying "someday I will see the Aurora Borealis and the Milky Way". Hold to those wishes today!)
Okay, well, enough of me randomly writing on an online website for people I don't know.
Have a great day, strangers.
I'll catch you later,
(Also Senpai noticed me, so today was pretty good